Jokes of the day

Paddy gets a job as a lumberjack but just cant manage to cut down as many trees as the other lumberjacks One day on the way home he sees an advert for the latest chainsaw "cut down 20 trees a day Guaranteed". He thinks that's exactly what I need. 375 Dollars later he is the proud owner of the latest in tree felling gear.
Next day he sets of and manages to cut down 5 trees. He's a bit disappointed but thinks to himself "when I get used to using this thing I will get faster. Two weeks later and he is only up to 8 trees a day so he goes back to the hardware store to complain.
The manager says "lets go out back to see whats wrong with it". Out they go and the manager checks the fuel level and pulls the starter cord. It springs into life with a roar and Paddy yells out "WHAT THE BLOODY HELLS THAT NOISE" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why don't Polar Bears eat Penguins??
Because they cant get the wrappers off.

Furniture mover driving along one day and a motor cycle comes along side. The rider stands on the seat as they both travel down the road at 70 miles an hour, he knocks on the truck window and as the driver winds his window down, the biker puts a cigarette in his mouth and yells "Have you got a light pall". The driver Yells back "are you trying to kill yourself". The biker replies "I only smoke 5 a day"!!!!!!!!