New jokes

Would you believe it. Got rid of my headache and the wife's got one.

For Christmas I am going to give her a pack of aspirins and some sexy undies. When she opens the aspirins and says "What are these for? I don't have a headache" I will say get these on quick.........YIPPEEEEEE.

Man driving along the motorway from Manchester to London and his stomach starts to give him serious trouble so he pulls over onto the hard shoulder and squats by the side of his car.
A couple of minutes later he is feeling a lot better and a good bit lighter, just as he is tidying himself up a police car stops behind him.
Trying to save himself some embarrassment he throws his hat over the steaming mound.
Police Inspector and Constable step out the car and ask what he's up to.
The man says "There was this bloody big fly bothering me as I was driving so I stopped and caught it under my hat".
The Inspector says "I think we may be able to help here! Constable smith swat that fly.
The Constable gets his truncheon out.............Gently grasps the edge of the hat..............lifts the hat and swing with all his might...........As you can imagine......Brown nastiness sprays everywhere.
The Inspector says "Did you get it"?
The Constable replies "I don't think so, but I gave it one hell of a fright".